Merit Badge Tales - Wendie Howland

Ever wonder what Seattle Poison Control will tell you when you call because your 15-month-old has eaten dry dog poop off the sidewalk? "Wipe out his mouth, give him some water to drink, and try not to think about it." True story.


Ever wonder what kind of diapers you get when your four-year-old feeds your 15-month-old a fifteen-pack of Juicy Fruit gum? Use your imagination. This same kid once consumed an entire tube of toothpaste, also with amazing diapers, with mint-flavored foam in them. Yes, the same kid who ate the dog poop. Twenty five years later and he's still eating everything, only more appropriately.

My firstborn was a wonderful nurser and she and I had no problems at all with it. And here we were, downtown on a cold rainy Sunday afternoon waiting for the bus home and those familiar "aaa-aaa-aaa" sounds started emanating insistently from the Snugli. She was just getting really worked up when the bus pulled up and I ran to the back to sit down in that big, empty seat across the back. Aaaah, baby to breast, release, quiet.
Suddenly, I'm surrounded by an entire team of teenage football players, shouting and joshing around, sitting all around us, next to us, in front and behind us. And since nobody ever notices a QUIET baby, they never noticed a thing. I never worried about nursing in public after that.
Although I did have to teach her the meaning of the word "Later" when at nine months she took it into her head to yank down my tube top while she sat in the grocery cart. Well, it was right in front of her.