{family lab} get outside

Growing up in Florida, I remember my bike slipping in the sugar sand of the orange groves that surrounded my under-construction neighborhood. Sand spurs were a constant menace. And about once a month, a big palmetto bug would sneak its way into our house and lots of screaming and shoe throwing would ensue until it was killed and flushed. (You can not just throw the carcass away, because it will climb out of the garbage can, even if they are completely smashed, and make a terrifying death march around your house looking for you, trust me). 

The environment seemed so hot and harsh. Maybe this was because I listened to my non native neighbors who assured me that you could not garden in Florida, or because as I became a teenage, the environment was a major source of complaint among my friends. The sunshine and humidity, bleh!

It took until I became an adult to really appreciate the amazing environment I live in. The skies here are obscene. Have you heard about the Florida Highwaymen painters? They painted psychedelically colored paintings of the Florida landscape that they sold from their car trunks. When you see their images, you think that there is no way the sky could look like that - fiery orange and magenta and purple? What were they thinking? And then you look up at the sky and yep, they captured it just right. 

When my children were younger I read about Charlotte Mason's (a 19th century British educator) idea that children should be outside at least 6 hours a day, even in bad weather. While we are not usually able to log a full six hours a day, we do try to spend as much time as possible outside. Eating, reading and drawing, along with hiking and biking are our favorite things to do outdoors.

The kids are happier, healthier, stronger and calmer because of it. Open space seems to diffuse nervous and aggressive energy. I am sure most of you enjoy being outside - but every once in a while I meet a kid who is not allowed to play outside. Or their play is heavily monitored and the outdoors and its inhabitants becomes something to be feared. In fact, I just participated in an adult creativity group where grown women were freaking out about standing outside barefoot. What?

This week we are thinking about our connection to nature. Simple but profound things happen when you and your children can live and be outside for a significant part of the day.

What do you remember about being outside when you were a kid?

Was it a fun, adventurous time? A not so good time?

What was the grass like? How did the air smell?

Share what you wrote and remembered in the comments

Lay in the yard and look deeply, relax, clear your mind of everything except for what is directly in front of you. 

I have been doing this a few times a week for the past month and it has been amazing. I do not think I will ever be able to meditate by emptying my mind and keeping it clear - so this method, where I intensely look at something is working wonderfully. I have noticed this amazing lady bug colony and actually communed with lizards! They see me and interact. I can hear the monarch caterpillars chomping my milkweed. 

 It is so restorative and magical (I will try not to use that word in every post - but this really is the m word.)

Let us know if you do this. What did you see?

I wanted to share the sweetest little animated film. It speaks perfectly to the value of slowing down, looking closely and maybe even being a bit bored. 

Oh, and it is perfect to share with your children. Enjoy!

Bave Circus from DuDuF on Vimeo.

{mama prompt} :: fan mail

 an occasional series of quick journal and creative prompts just for mamas

today, take a few minutes and write a fan letter to someone (famous or not) and let them know how great you think they are, and why. 

{life lab} the stories we attach to our stuff

We all talk about de-cluttering all the time, don't we? We buy books, sign up for classes, do challenges, try for 15 minutes to clear out clutter, and wonder how we got so much stuff in the first place.

In our family, we have 5 people who are interested in so many things. We like to go to garage sales, we get loads of gifts on birthdays and holidays, and we have no problem buying the tools we need for our latest area of interest. And, I am not sure, but I am pretty sure that homeschooling might exacerbate the situation.

In the last few years I have gotten rid of nearly half my books. This was not easy, I love to read and browse through my shelves. It is also wonderful knowing I have a "just the book" on a variety of topics that might arise. But, there is still too much.

Cull after cull, there is still too much. I want to go deeper.

So, I have begun to think about the stories we attach to our stuff. And re-evaluating those stories to see if they still hold true.

One of my biggest stories is that I need to have a house full of resources for my ever curious children. But, after a little digging I can see that this is not really a valid argument. We live near a library that has thousands of books on its shelves. We also have internet access at home and a variety of people who we can call to ask for help or guidance on many topics. And, I have come to see that in many ways having all these "resources" actually limits my kid's thinking. They are rarely excited when I pull a book from the shelf and hand it to them, because I have in effect removed them from the process of seeking their own knowledge. So, although we still have tons of books, I have released many, many back to the world and have opened more space for exploration and investigation. I am trying to get rid of half. That is a big goal because I am now cutting deep into my collection and hitting a lot of nerves.

Another huge story for me (and I hope someone can relate) is that I am going to read novels. I collect them from the library sale table for pocket change. Best sellers, ones I have seen recommended on other blogs, pretty covered gems with the all the possibility of sweet escape. But, I rarely read them. I read nonfiction, memoir and essays with ease and hunger. Fiction, not so much. It seems like something that I should be reading, but I can rarely get past a chapter or two before falling asleep. So, out with most of the fiction that I know I will not read. I still have a handful or classics and specially chosen ones I do want to read, but I have at least 100 that I do not need.

I am so curious about the stories you hold regarding your stuff. Do you keep tons of fabric for the day you might sew all your own clothes? What about tools for projects that you think you might want to do, someday? School research papers that you will reread in your old age? Or boxes and boxes of recyclables for craft making?

The thing I am realizing, is that all this stuff, we think holds possibilities for better versions of ourselves.  It is like a drawer of clothes two sizes to small. We think if we hold on to these things, we can get back to something we once were or something we have always aspired to be. But, we are also letting the weeds grow over a million other possible paths, interests and experiences. It is like we have a huge field full of long soft grass and beautiful wildflowers - and we keep walking the same path, over and over, packing hard the dirt of comfortable possibilities and completely ignoring the vast field of all that might be.

So, with this post, I encourage you - and me, to get off the path, explore further, look in new places and a great way to start this process is clear out the crap (even the good stuff).

Now, if I could just release my vintage camera and clock collection...

Please share a comment about your journey with stuff...

____________________________________________________________________

want to go deeper with more of your stories and do some deep personal excavation? 

check out my lab, A Book About Me - we start April 1st!

"This lab will help you find yourself. the self you lost or has become submerged in the constant din of quotidian noise and bustle. She might be awkward or sad after all these years, but she is still there, waiting for you to call her forth. "

{family lab} a perfect day

When I was growing up,  I remember my family working a lot. Both of my parents worked full time and my grandmother lived with us for most of my childhood. Although the extra adult in the house was helpful and kept my brother and I out of daycare, it was also stressful at times as I wondered why I had so many adults telling me what to do (not easy for a head strong, autonomous kid). 

It seemed like we were on autopilot. Go to school, come home, have a snack, go play in the neighborhood, come home eat dinner, go to bed.

Maybe that is the idyllic childhood many wish they had still - but for me it seemed like there was not enough family connection time. Just a lot of wandering around the neighborhood getting into trouble. And I knew from observing other families that I had it good. Other kids' parents were alcoholics, hiding credit card bills from their spouses, divorced and dating, and sometimes just scary and mean. No one was setting the bar too high.

My very favorite memories from growing up are the simple days when my whole family was together.

One particular memory I cherish is a simple, non-eventful evening when I was about 9 years old. This might have been a satori moment (do you know this term? it is a moment, a flash in time, where you feel the truth and perfectness of the moment).

It had rained and we opened all the windows and turned on our attic fan which pulled the cool air from outside into our house in big, glorious gusts of wind. I had just taken a shower and was wearing a satiny long night gown while laying the couch, enjoying the breeze and watching, get ready for this... Solid Gold, my favorite show of my early childhood. Everyone was home, we had just eaten dinner and the grownups were cleaning up and getting ready for the 8 o'clock moment where we all watch TV together. In that moment, I felt so at peace and connected to my parents.

Today there is a lot of talk about free range parenting, and while I whole heartily support helping kids become independent and adventurous, I also believe in a strong (not oppressive) parental presence. So, when I had my kids, I knew that I did not want them to feel abandoned or tether-less. I wanted a strong and extremely close family structure. I want my kids to have the same feeling I had on the couch that rainy summer evening. And I wanted them to have it more than I did.

Write about a favorite type of day when you were a kid. Not necessarily a big day, like a birthday or holiday, maybe just an ordinary day where you felt safe and happy.

Try to include specifics about smells, colors, flavors and anything that will bring the memory alive.

If you want, share what you wrote and noticed in the comments.

Grab a notebook, video/audio recorder or laptop and interview your kids about their favorite days.

Ask them each to explain in detail what would be a favorite day. 

(My kids love to be interviewed - it is a technique I use a lot. Maybe it is the intense focus they get from me, or the seriousness of how I record what they share with me, I don't know. But it is very powerful.)

Share anything interesting that happens in this process.

{mama prompt} :: bury that garbage

an occasional series of quick journal and creative prompts just for mamas

write down 5 self defeating things you say to yourself. bury the paper in the garden so it can transform into something useful and beautiful.

a tune for you, guess what we are studying right now?

{family lab} welcome letter

Friday our lab starts!

I wanted to send out a quick welcome post to get you ready for this adventure. It will take the better part of a year and can be really transformative if you fully engage. Woop! 

Each week you will receive a short essay,  a writing prompt, a creative challenge and a link or two for some outside resources. 

We are a diverse group. I have included a lot of ideas, possibly more than you can tackle or have the inclination to.  Please know that this is your journey and your experience. If there are ideas that do not speak to you, leave them out. Or better yet, change them to meet your family's needs. Please feel free to email me privately or ask the Facebook group for suggestions on how to make something work for you.

Also, there is a possibility that you might feel overwhelmed or miss a few labs. That is OK. The information is not cumulative. Each week's ideas stand on their own, so if you miss a day, you are not behind. I want everyone to be engaged and for us to push ourselves just past our comfort zone if we need to, but I understand that life sometimes gets out of control. You never have to "catch up" or do an older lab before you can do the current one. If you need to, you can save some ideas for later. The goal for our time together is not necessarily to complete every "assignment." We want to fill our toolboxes with new ideas, new perspectives and new friends for support. A good motto might be:


Do what you can as much as you can.


That being said, it would be great if we all committed ourselves to being all in for the month. If we can try a little harder, invest 30 minutes or an hour a day, make an effort to connect with and support the other participants, I think we will reap the biggest benefits. This goes for me too. I am facilitating but will be participating as well. Doing the prompts and the creative activities is something I am really
looking forward to.

The last idea I want to suggest is that we think in terms of collaboration. I recently read Twyla Tharp's book The Collaboration Habit and loved so many of her ideas about the benefits of working with
others. What she writes about dance and creative collaboration can certainly apply to the family organism.

Please look at this year as a collaboration with your significant other and children. The information I share is not meant to be experienced as a top down model. It is meant to inspire you and get
your mind loose and cranking out even more ideas (that I hope you will share). You might happily find your journal packed with maps of new worlds to explore with your kids. But don't forget to include your children in the process. Discuss with them what you are doing. Ask them if they would like to participate.  Write down their ideas for creative adventures. Tharp writes about collaboration as a habit that has to be practiced in order for it to develop.


Let's practice co-creating with our families this year.

monday mission :: host a pop up picnic

A pop up picnic is one of the simplest way to gather your people. A day or two before the magical evening, send invite to everyone you know who is local. No trying to figure out who would make a good mix  - invite them all. And ask them to invite all their people. 

Pick a public setting and ask everyone to bring something to share. 

That is it. 

Whomever shows up will be the exact people needed to make the party the best. 

Try it out once a month or so starting this week.