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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Merit Badge Tales - Karen

One morning while still in my nightgown I thought I would attempt to be one of those super mom's by trying to get a head start on dinner.

Our very friendly and happy dog and 18 month old were walking about the dining room out of eyesight but only about 10 feet away so I felt comfortable with getting down to some serious vegetable chopping in the kitchen. I popped my head in the door and my son was giggling and walking in circles around the circular table and the dog was following giving random kisses. I think I smiled at how darn cute it was and then....

I got a little caught up in my veggies and suddenly realized that the doggie kisses had morphed into something a lot more like doggy slurping and rushed into the dining room.

Oh yes, the diaper had exploded in a truly spectacular fashion and had run down his legs dripping onto the floor.

This left a circular trail of liquid poop around the table which both beasts were walking through causing it to become more of a slippery poop track. Both looked as though they had taken a tumble or two since the poop was not confined simply to their feet any longer.

The dog was taking advantage of the situation to have a little snack, which meant his nose, which he was using kiss my son was also covered in poop.

I was still wearing a long nightgown as it was still pretty early and I stumbled to a halt just short of entering the poop track myself.

I looked at them both and screamed, Sit! Stay! I then grabbed the dog, enclosed her in my nightgown without touching her and ran to the downstairs shower...took off the nightgown over my head with the dog still wrapped in it and dumped her there. Looked her in the eye and threatened her life if she moved.

I ran back up naked in front of the many large open windows 8 feet from the sidewalk and grabbed a beach towel which I wrapped my son in and sprinted to the tub. I washed him and rinsed out the tub in between 3 times. Still naked I put him down for a nap and went down and gave the dog (who was still frozen in terror) the same 3 bath treatment and then put her in the yard...where she promptly rolled in raccoon poop. She got her 4th bath.

I was then left to scrub the dining room floor, three times of course (using toothpicks to clean the cracks in the hardwood floor) and then sporadically thereafter until I managed to put enough distance between myself and the poop to act like a normal person again.

I threw out the pajamas. You really can't make this stuff up...and they probably wouldn't allow it to be shown on TV.

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